on gremlins and high horses...

listening to: waiting in vain ~ annie lennox
feeling: annoyed at life

"from the very first time i rest my eyes on you boy, my heart said follow through. but i know now that i'm way down on your line, but the waitin' feeling's fine."

as much as i am totally in love with this song, i still cannot get over how wretched this day is turning out to be.

i got my period. whoopeedoo. the wonderful part is, i wasn't expecting it yet--it's three freakin' days early! anak ng tokwa! ugh talaga. i had to run around save-a-lot like a lunatic looking for a store that sold underwear. kainis.

this is so NOT my day.

anyhoo... that's over and done with. and i doubt if anyone's interested (if at all... heehee...) in my "womanly cycles." hahaha.

(hmmmnn... i should be thankful i suppose. at least the need to pig out and eat anything and everything that's placed before me won't be as compelling.)

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i spent my sunday afternoon lying in bed and reading. (eating piattos too... ha!) i couldn't put the book down (thanks ning!), it was really good. =) i liked it. some of the dialogue just blew me away. galeng. =) it got me thinking about how there is so much truth out there, if we only decide to acknowledge it.

'i guess that was what true love was, someone who knew you in all your depravity, and still loved you in spite of it, and in a weird masochistic way, because of it.' - chiah deng, mammon inc.

we are all a little bit crazy and no matter how adamantly we deny it, there will always be that dark little sunless room in our souls. a place we only show to a select and priveleged few because we know, they will love us even if we're gremlins at heart.

seriously, we can be such balls of fluff, such clouds of sweetness and light. (yeah, yeah, sickening description but you have to admit--it IS true! hahaha. sometimes anyway) i never really thought about it until i realized how destructive i can get. when i'm angry... sad... bitter or just plain lonely.

there. i've admitted it. it gets so lonely sometimes and the loneliness eats at me. then the bitterness suddenly gushes forth, a tsunami of pent up emotions and boom! i'm completely lost.

hence, the inner gremlin theory. a moment of weakness and pain (plus a wounded ego) can really turn us into uber psycho bitches.

hahahaha. whew. that felt good.

the point is, it's ok. it's not really the end of the world if you fall from your high horse (once in awhile) as long as you know how to get back on it; and as long as you realize why you fell in the first place, you can take the necessary steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.

so there.

here's to us uber psycho bitches, may we find that (a who would be acceptable too) which will turn us into docile little puffs of sweetness.

cheers!