the loneliest people in the world...

i can't seem to stop crying. =(

i honestly hate the way i feel right now, emotional and so needy...

at the oddest moments, i cry. the tears just suddenly start spilling over and i hate the way i have no control over my emotions. =(

the hardest thing about what i'm going through is accepting and adjusting to the loneliness. in a heart beat, something i considered part of me was torn from my side and all that remains is an empty void. i desperately try to fill it up with a hundred uselessly shallow meanings yet it stays the way it is--empty.

i used to love the night. i loved how the quiet darkness would wash over me like a liquid kiss.

evenings were sacred to me. i guess it's because they signalled the end of a busy and tiring day and i would look forward to coming home, curling up in bed with a good book or spending hours on the phone talking about the trivialities and frustrations of my day... i loved the idea of coming home... because i knew that there was someone to come home to.

i miss that most of all. the sharing... the intimacy. i feel so lost and lonely now and it's killing me.

i'd kid around about it with my friends--about how i didn't know how to be alone. i realize now that it's actually true. i've been part of a couple for so long i don't know how to function as an individual.

it saddens me to think that i've become someone i don't know, someone i refuse to even acknowledge as me.

sigh. i was told that we have to fight for what we want and what we believe in. that the things that matter most in life are worth shedding blood for...

it gets tiring. sometimes, i just don't know anymore.