why am i still so unsure? my gut has been telling me that he will never love me as much as a certain little boy did. it's as if I’m trying to force the issue because i don't want to be proven wrong—i refuse to admit to the possibility that somewhere along the way, i made a colossal and irreparable mistake.

is it wrong for me to want more? am I evil for wanting to be the center of his universe? i guess this is why i get so disappointed and heartbroken every time i realize that i am not number one on his list of priorities, that i come a poor second to his work and career. the things about him that attract me are the same things i despise.

i dunno. is it pride? i honestly can't tell anymore.